I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
