am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
