He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
