conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
