You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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