Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
