Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
