I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
