what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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