Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i drank out of a bidet.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
