if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My vagina is officially offended.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
