Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
