i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
