but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
