Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
