just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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