Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
FUCK WHALES
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
