we made out on top of his cat.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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