Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
