I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
