WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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