Michael Bay diarrhea
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need a beard to bite.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
