I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
