I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
