Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you would pick up someone in the library
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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