You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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