Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
