I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
