We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I want a musical about memes.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
