The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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