using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
