Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
