WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
