Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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