Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize
