Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The air was thick with penises
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
