Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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