I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
