I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
