Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
