walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
