$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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