dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
