i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
