My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
