he puts the penis in happiness.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
