dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
