worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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