I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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