I am midnight drunk by noon
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
