I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
