He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
