the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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