im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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