whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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