I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
