can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
